Together We Will Kill Barney
by Little Lobster
Summary: A weird title often means a weird story. Right?


TOGETHER WE WILL KILL BARNEY

A mile away in Copley Square, Irina Spasky was worrying about her poison. She had loaded her fingernail injectors with the usual mixture, but she feared it would not be enough for this meeting.

Ian and Natalie Kabra were not to be underestimated. Back when they were ten and seven, perhaps Irina could've overpowered them. Now they were fourteen and eleven….a very different story indeed.

She wandered in Copley Square, waiting to spot them. They had agreed on standard antisurveillance tactics, only setting a general area and time for their rendezvous.

She bought a coffee from a street kiosk, then spotted Ian and Natalie across the plaza, walking in front of Trinity Church. Their eyes met hers briefly and they kept walking.

They met in the busy lobby of a cheap hotel, where neither party could ambush the other.

"So….have you considered our proposal?" Ian asked.

Irina nodded. "Yes, but do we really need to eliminate them?"

"My, my, dear cousin," Natalie said. "Are you going soft?"

"Of course not, you little brat," Irina replied. "I _mean_, they're just poor, homeless orphans who know nothing about the Cahill family. They don't even know what branch they belong to. What good will killing them do to us?"

"We all know they were Grace's favorites," Ian said in his silky British accent. "That William McIntyre must be giving them inside information."

Irina hesitated, trying to see a flaw in the plan. "What's in this for me?"

"They're our biggest threat," Ian pointed out. "They may not realize it yet, but they will in time. We have to eliminate them quickly. It'll benefit all of us."

"Couldn't you set the trap yourselves?" Irina asked. "Or are you just too lazy and irresponsible to do it?"

"You're calling _us_ lazy and irresponsible?!" Ian shouted. "I'll sue you, _Irina Nikolaievna Spaskaya_! I will bring you to your knees –"

"Calm down, Ian," said Natalie. "She's just trying to get to you….and succeeding. For someone who's smarter than a supercomputer, you're pretty dumb."

"Well, well, well," Irina said mockingly. "Looks like the little girl is more mature than her _older _brother."

"Oh, yeah?" Ian replied. "You're just saying that because you have _no_ family! You can't even take care of your child. You are the reason why your child died! You, and only you!"

"Why, you….!" Irina said angrily. "Don't you dare bring Nikolai into this!"

"Shut up!" said Natalie, the annoyance barely contained in her voice. "Both of you, just shut up!"

"You shut up, you little brat!" said Ian and Irina at the same time.

"What?! For your information, everybody is looking at you. Look, the hotel guards are coming over here!" said Natalie, pointing to the guards running in their direction.

Ian and Irina looked at each other and said, "Uh-oh!"

"What's happening here?" said the first guard. "You've got a lot of explaining to do!"

"I'm so sorry, sir. My cousin and I –" Ian glared at Irina. "–were just having a little argument about….whether to eat at McDonalds or Jollibee for lunch."

"Is that so?" the second guard asked, suspiciously.

The two guards looked at each other and said, "Okay, fine. We'll forgive you this time."

As the guards were leaving, Natalie caught their eye and twirled her finger around her ear in a subtle _cuckoo_ gesture. The guards nodded understandingly and went back to their posts.

Ian and Irina sat down and glared at each other.

Then suddenly, in the middle of the glaring contest, an _obviously_ mentally-challenged teenager sang out loud:

_**I hate you, you hate me**_

_**Together we will kill Barney**_

_**With a gunshot (Bang! Bang!), Barney on the floor**_

_**No more purple dinosaur**_

"Well that _stupid_ song seems oddly appropriate for our proposal, Cousin Irina," said Ian, grinning.

"Well, I suppose it is….," replied Irina, nodding.

The teenager began singing again, at the top of her lungs.

_**I hate you, you hate me**_

"_Okay, cousin," said Ian. "I know that we both hate each other –"_

_**Together we will kill Barney**_

"– _but we need to join forces in order to eliminate our biggest threat."_

_**With a gunshot (Bang! Bang!), Barney on the floor**_

"_Well….you don't need to shoot them. For example, you can just trap them in a pit, and bury them with cement."_

_**No more purple dinosaur**_

"_When they're dead, nothing will stop us from ruling the world!"_

"So what do you say, cousin? Deal?" asked Natalie.

Irina was silent for a moment, thinking. And finally, she said, "Deal. But this is just a one-time thing. Understood?"

Ian nodded. "I understand."

After Irina has left, Ian and Natalie approached the teenager who sang the weird song.

"We give you our thanks, miss," Ian purred. "Without you, we might not have been able to establish a deal."

He got his checkbook from his pocket and wrote a million-dollar note for the girl. "Here, have this," he said.

And soon after, he and Natalie went to their private jet and left for Paris, France.

"Thank you….Ian Kabra," said the girl, smiling evilly.


End file.
